Question:

Two months ago I began dating a great, sweet guy. We had sex right away and seemed to share the same wants when it came to the bedroom. I was thrilled! But he recently told me that I am "oversexed" and that he's afraid all we have between us is physical. He makes me feel guilty every time I want sex. What gives? Don't guys want sex a lot? What can I do to convince him that we have a great relationship?


Dave Navarro answers:

Don’t guys want sex a lot? Hmmm. Well, yes, we do–just not always with the same person. (That is, if you are talking about guys like me.) Here’s the thing. If you have to convince your partner to engage in sexual relations, there may be something else going on in the relationship that you need to look at.

I know that I wouldn’t be interested in sex with someone I had to “talk into” bed, let alone be interested in potentially feeling guilty about it later. That sounds like a recipe for future resentment and miscommunication, and the way into a dark emotional forest. I suggest you forget about how things started and focus on where they are now. The two of you need to have an open and honest discussion about your needs and desires, with a healthy acknowledgement of each other’s boundaries.

Nobody likes to feel obligated to “service” their partner, and forcing the issue can backfire, creating a dynamic that can cause the less interested party to become never interested. In some extreme cases, a “cornered” partner feels suffocated and turns elsewhere for sexual release, as if it were a last gasp of fresh air. Be careful, and have the talk.